Monday, July 28, 2008 case anyone needs reminding, I'm 25 years old, 26 at the end of august. That said, this is the first day of school and it FEELS like it! The nervous tummy, the slightly light-headed sensation that comes from fear of the unknown and insatiable curiosity...the book bag, the peanut butter and jelly sandwich neatly wrapped in tinfoil, the back to school's all ganging up on me here.

I hated school. I hated elementary, middle, high, AND college. Well, hate is a strong word for college. I hated my first year of college...after that it slowly got better. But I still get fear in the pit of my stomach on the first day of school. Will I like my teachers? Will I make any friends? Am I going to be cool or uncool? Will I get good grades? Will I be able to make every class? It's the kind of crap I hoped I'd never have to deal with again, and not to say it's going to be an issue THIS time might be. It might be. And I hate this feeling.

I'll feel better when I actually get to class and can obsessively take notes and soak in everything the teacher tells us...I hope my best is enough, that's all. I never used to "try"...because as long as I didn't try, my potential was limitless...that is to say, it extended to the unknown. But if i "try" to be my best, I might find that my best simply isn't enough, and that would be devastating to me. It could go the other way, and I might find that my best is truly outstanding and beyond my wildest imagination...BUT...I'm not the optimist I ought to be.

Anyway...wish me luck!! I'm shooting for Storyboard Artist and eventual art if prayers are to be had, you might focus on those particular professions for your beloved gokarm ;-).

Peace Out, everyone!

P.S: BTW, I haven't given up on Polyvore "sets of the day"...I just need to get back into the swing. It'll happen.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Hey everyone. To my devoted readers, you may have noticed that i have been woefully lax in updating this blog. I no longer have access to Polyvore at work (IT Fascists!!) so it's difficult to keep up at all. Of course, I could do it at home, but after spending 8 hours on the computer and 2 hours in traffic...the last thing I want to do is sit in an uncomfortable chair in front of the computer at home. I have been visiting Polyvore nearly every day, just to see what's up, but I don't spend more than 15 minutes, on average. It's a little sad.

Anyway, some exciting news...I'm going to school for Graphic Design and animation. Apparently it's a good school and stuff...I mean there's nothing saying I'll be able to land a job at Pixar or anything, but at least I can get a job I don't loathe. Honestly, I'd just LOVE to find a company that doesn't have a strict "career" dress code. I was watching a documentary on Pixar and my eyes burned with tears of envy and self-pity. They were all wearing jeans and t-shirts and sneakers and baseball caps and hoodies...My personal plight is pathetic, but I just can't stand people telling me how to dress. Sometimes I like to do the whole "corporate shark" look...sleek, sophisticated, powerful...but not often. I like to save that sort of polish for interviews...because it's not about the clothes, it's about how you FEEL when you're wearing them...and I don't want to get too used to that shot of confidence...and I don't want people to get used to me looking like that, because it's NOT's a costume. I've always felt very strongly about that...clothes are a mechanism the ignorant use to pre-judge a human's potential based on arbitrary, shallow appearances.

I guess it's the stubborn artist in me that chafes against the constraints of dress codes, "acceptable" behavior and "proper" language...I hope to one day find a group of colleagues who don't mess around that bullshit and just be messy and real and innovative about everything in their lives. I think I might feel at home there.